


How I Like My Coffee

by Immortal_Magic_Freak



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Family, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Rape/Attempted Rape, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 16:40:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4229193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immortal_Magic_Freak/pseuds/Immortal_Magic_Freak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An incident at a bar forces Spencer to come out as bisexual to the team, but won't real what his 'type' is when it comes to guys. Naturally the women of the BAU - and Derek - try to find out, but is the answer what they hope it to be? Spencer faces the hardships of trying to keep his secret as well as facing personal problems along the way... The question is: is it a happy ending?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> HEYO! XD Please tell me what you think; I would love to know XD I own nothing and no one apart from the following: Sawyer Talbot, Isaiah Talbot, Jackson Riley, James Gordon, Tyson Brown, Talia, Olivia (Olive), Daniel Jackson, Michael Cameron and James Tyler.  
> Please, please review XD  
> This is my first time posting for the story after a year or 2 – those stories didn’t go quite well :/ AND it’s the first time I’m writing for this pairing ^_^ Enjoy!

**Spencer**

" _Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break."_ _ **―**_ _ **Earl Wilson**_

No one seemed to know that I was bisexual – my mom and Ethan did, but no one else. It wasn't that I was hiding it, quite the opposite, in fact... I just never out right mentioned it and the majority of the encounters I had found myself in, whilst being in the BAU, had been with women.

I knew I could correct people if they made the mistake of assuming what my sexuality was but, after you find out that your best friend seems to be averse to you being with another guy, it makes you think twice about it – especially when it was said best friend that you found desirable. I was fairly surprised that none of them had profiled it yet... Yes, we weren't supposed to profile each other, but sometimes you couldn't help the things you spotted when working so closely with people.

Sighing, I shook my head and returned my focus to the case at hand.

We were close to wrapping it up – we knew who it was, we knew where they were going, we knew who the next target was... All we had to do was wait – bide our time until the perfect opportunity to take this guy down.

Sawyer Talbot – thirty-nine year old, white male – had been on a rampage through the small town of Carmel-by-the-Sea, California, executing as many gay couples as he could. It was difficult to find the connection between the victims, every couple seemingly completely different to the next...that was until JJ noticed that, for one, Talbot was targeting couples who seemed to have a ' _clear_ _dominant and submissive_ ' partner, but also that the identified ' _submissive_ ' partners all seemed to have the same physicality and appearance. It was something obvious that was easy to miss and, thankfully, we rectified our mistake quickly. We had identified Talbot's stressor as his only son – Isaiah – had ' _come out of the closet_ ' to his severely homophobic father. Talbot had snapped, killing his seventeen year old son and his son's boyfriend, now seeing his son in every ' _submissive_ ' partner of gay couples he saw. Talbot would follow the couple for a week, learning their routine... He would find a way inside – easy to do, considering he was well known to everyone in the town – waiting until his victims were relaxed and unaware so he could kill him. It turned out that, as a teenager, Talbot had been abused by his alcoholic father – sexually, physically, emotionally, verbally and psychologically... Talbot's father had been his first victim. Now, we had three gay couples, brutally murdered and we were desperately trying to save a fourth.

When JJ had first presented to case to us, it had been hard to actually listen to what Talbot had done to these men and start to profile him, let alone look at the pictures of the scenes. Yes, we had seen some awful things, but it was hard to swallow when you could, somehow, identify with the victims in the case. Whilst the ' _dominant_ ' partner had been shot through the head and stabbed in the genitals, the ' _submissive_ ' partner had come off a lot worse. Not only was there severe trauma to the genitals, but there was also: a mass amount of bruising to the abdomen and face, broken ribs, extensive cuts to the torso and the word ' _WRONG_ ' carved into their foreheads in large block letters. The most recent victim who fit the ' _submissive_ ' stereotype in this case – Jackson Riley, sixteen – had also been raped...

It was going to be a tough case to get over.

* * *

We had managed to save the couple that Talbot had been going after next; taking him down before he even had a chance to pull his gun. It was a huge relief for all of us and, as you can imagine, a massive shock to the couple – James Gordon and Tyson Brown.

Hotch, Emily and I found Gordon and Brown in their kitchen, the two of them sitting as close as possible at the table, in shock. Statements were taking from both of them before we made sure the two men were sure to be in safe hands with the local police, making our way to meeting Derek, Rossi and JJ outside where they had Talbot.

After a week of little-to-no sleep, everyone was close to crashing where they stood, the caffeine high from all the coffee we had been putting into our systems starting to wear off. Knowing that we were close to going home, close to being back in the comfort of our own homes, was what kept us going.

No one said anything as we exited the house, a few other inhabitants of the area gathering around, trying to understand what was going on. The police department were successful with keeping the small amount of onlookers calm and behind the tape, keeping them all as far away as possible from Talbot.

All I wanted to do was hand him over, just so we could go home. We all needed a proper night's rest. But why would things be that easy?

Just as they were walking Talbot to the back of a police car, I actually got a good look at him – and him at me. Frowning slightly, I couldn't help but feel a tingle of recognition in my head. Yes, the name had sounded familiar; yes, the face had looked familiar... I just couldn't seem to place where.

"Long time, no see, _Freak_." Talbot smirked, his face contorted in disgust.

_Now I remember..._

I just froze on the spot, suddenly far more awake than I had been before, staring at the murderer not too far away from me. To be honest, I thought I was going to throw up. Throwing up sounded like a very nice option as of that moment.

"Tell me, still like to be tied to goal posts?" he spat.

I could feel the blood draining out of my face as Derek assisted in shoving Talbot – with far more force than necessary – into the back of the police car, slamming the door shut so hard that the whole car rocked slightly.

It wasn't like it was uncommon for me to repress my memories – I had done it with my dad, so why not the goal post incident? However, now I had seen Talbot again and he had spoken...well, unwanted memories came pouring back into my brain like a waterfall. Talbot had been the captain of the football team – it was his idea for the ' _prank_ ' and it was him that did the majority of the work. I had become his biggest target during my high school experience and I couldn't describe how thrilled I was when I graduated at twelve... I honestly thought I would never see any of them again, I was _hoping_ I wouldn't – life was very unfair and very cruel.

Thankfully, Derek didn't say anything – he could deduce the basics and that was all he needed to know. Instead, his hand clamped down onto my shoulder and steered me towards one of the SUVs parked a few feet away from us, gesturing for me to get inside whilst the others finished up.

At that moment, home felt far too far away.

* * *

On the jet back to Virginia, everyone passed out in their seats – I was forced onto the couch, the only excuse being because I was, apparently, the worst off and ' _absolutely had to lie down_ '.

For once, I didn't argue.

Surprisingly, the few hours that we spent on the jet asleep, before we arrived back in Virginia, were enough to wake us up, making us feel far more relaxed and energized. It was because of that that Derek had suggested we all go out for drinks, claiming we all deserved it.

For once, _everyone_ agreed.

"Are you sure, Reid? No one will blame you if you want to go home." Derek assured me; keeping his voice low so only I would hear him.

Rolling my eyes, I raised an eyebrow, turning to face him.

"I have one of two options. One, I go to a bar and talk with my friends – the only ones I have that aren't through blood or marriage – so I can forget about what happened today." I replied. "Or, two, go home and drink alone in my apartment. Option one sounds _far_ more appealing, don't you think?"

Derek didn't argue at that, choosing instead to put his hand on my shoulder again and steer me towards his car – he had given me a ride to work on the morning we got the case, so it was the only logical thing to do at this moment in time. I would have taken my own car if it hadn't been in the shop that day – I really needed to think about getting a new one... Don't get me wrong, I love my car. It held a lot of sentiment for me...but it was getting a tad too old now.

_Mental note: search for affordable car. Maybe even ask Derek to help?_

Derek didn't say anything as we both got into the car, throwing both of our go bags into the back and letting himself relax into the leather seat. It was a little amusing – to me – watching this. I mean, he could just as easily have done that on the jet, but he never seemed to be truly relaxed until he was surrounded by the thing he associated with home.

"Wanna talk about what happened, Pretty Boy?" Derek asked as he started driving.

I knew from experience that this would be the extent of his pushing; only asking if I wanted to talk, unless he thought I would do something stupid and irrational or it was something that could compromise my safety. Derek didn't make it any easier to try and get rid of the... _feelings_ , but I could hardly blame him.

To be honest, I didn't know if I _wanted_ to talk about it or not. Would anyone want to talk about the people that tormented them?

But I trusted Derek. I trusted him to listen and not to judge – he never judged.

So I told him. I told him everything. I told him everything from the first shove in the hallway, all the way up until figuring out that it was Talbot's idea to tie me to that goal post. I told him everything they did and said – for the first time, _ever_ , I told somebody.

It was in no way easy, but once I started I couldn't stop... And Derek just listened.

"I've gotten used to the questions and the weird looks and people thinking I'm some kind of computer." I sighed, coming to the end of the explanation. "I've gotten used to people calling me a freak, made my piece with it, even. I just never thought I'd see him again."

"You're not a freak, Reid." Derek replied, a slight harshness in his voice. "Intelligent? Hell yeah. Unique? Who isn't? Freak? Hell no. So you get that idea out of your pretty little head."

Even though he didn't mean it how it sounded, I couldn't help but smile as Derek's last sentence left his mouth. Recently, more comments such as that had been making an appearance, but I put that down to Derek just being Derek.

Still, it made me smile.

* * *

We managed to grab a booth near the bar, around the edge of the dance floor. Derek, Emily and Penelope had situated themselves in the crowd of dancers, JJ was beating a few of the more sober patrons at darts, Hotch and Rossi were discussing the pros and cons of Charlie Chaplin – yes, it sounded more like Hotch and Gideon, but Rossi seemed to appreciate the man too – whilst I sat there trying to relax and have fun.

Every now and then, Derek or Emily or Penelope or JJ would find their way back to the booth for a few minutes before disappearing again, otherwise I was just left with Hotch and Rossi as they conversed about the actor.

I should have seen this coming, to be honest – something like this always happened. Of course, I usually found people to talk to about _Star Trek_ or _Doctor Who_. But, not only did I feel opposed to talking to strangers tonight, I was hoping that I would get to spend _at least_ an hour with my friends.

It felt weird, calling them my friends. Sometimes, I didn't know if I should. Sure, they knew me better than anyone – beside my mom – but I didn't know if they were my friends. Definitely colleagues, we were a strange family unit too... But was I allowed to call them my friends?

Sighing, as the four missing members of the team migrated back to the table, I went to get another drink. Thankfully, I didn't have to wait half an hour to be served – the bartender knew me, it was a bar I came to a lot with the team. I suppose it also helped that the bartender was a friend of one of my cousins. As soon as he saw me he refilled my glass, not having to ask what I wanted – a Ravenswood Lodi Zinfandel (red wine) – ' _on the house, of course_ '.

It really did pay to know the people that worked there.

Smiling slightly, I thought that, maybe, the night would get better. It was a stupid delusion, yes, but it made me feel better anyway.

Well, that was, until I was a few steps away from the table when someone blocked my way to my seat.

He was a smidge shorter than me, blonde, green eyes – the typical surfer type that you would expect to find in Florida or LA. A confident smirk was plastered onto his face as he looked over me slowly – very _not_ my type.

"Hey, Cutie. How do you like _your_ coffee in the morning?" he practically purred, the innuendo clear in his tone.

It wasn't the first time something like this had happened to me, I would admit... It _was_ , however, the first time it had happened with my teammates as witnesses to it.

"No." I said, simply, pushing past blonde-and-purry.

I walked those last few steps towards the booth, sliding into my seat next to Derek. But, of course, the guy didn't leave it there. He, apparently, had to follow, seemingly baffled at the fact that he had been rejected.

"What? Am I not your _type_?" he demanded.

"Wow, you got it in one. You must be a genius." I sighed, my tone far more sarcastic than I intended it to be.

"I'm _everyone's_ type."

"Well, you think _very_ highly of yourself."

But he didn't leave. He stood there, arms crossed, glaring at me, looking as if he was wondering why I would turn him down. People like him were what made me hate coming to bars or clubs – the arrogant asshole who think they're the be-all-and-end-all.

It annoyed me, immensely.

There was only one thing I could think of to get this guy to leave me alone – something I had become accustomed to using. But that meant I would be revealing my best kept secret to my teammates.

_Might as well get it over with._

"Look, I like my coffee how I like my guys. And you," I replied, bored, giving him an extremely quick once over. "Are _so not_ it. Now leave – _before_ I have you arrested for harassing a federal officer."

Just like every other guy I had said that too, he scrambled away as fast as he could. Honestly, that was the best part of guys trying to hit on me – watching them run away. It was, actually, quite amusing. Sure, that made me sound mean, but you didn't know what most of the guys that hit on me were like!

Of course, now, I had to turn and face my teammates... This would be interesting.

* * *

It was surprisingly easy explaining everything – considering what had happened, I suppose I really _shouldn't_ have been surprised. I had to clarify that I was actually bisexual – Penelope got _way_ too enthusiastic that she could finally talk about guys to a guy...

All of them were supportive, but had also wondered how they had not seen it. Penelope had even gone on a tirade of how her ' _gay-dar must be broken!'_ It was rather entertaining, if I was being completely honest.

"Who else knows?" JJ asked, leaning across the table slightly.

"My mom and my friend Ethan." I replied, shrugging slightly.

"What about the rest of your family?" Emily frowned, fiddling with her glass.

"I don't know how my dad will react, my cousins are homophobic, the only uncle I was close to is dead and I'm not close to my aunts... Apart from my mom, I'm pretty sure my family would disown me."

Apparently, that wasn't what they were expecting to hear, nor did it seem to be what they were hoping I would say.

I wasn't too bothered with my relationship with my family. My mom and Uncle Daniel had always been the ones I was closest – they knew everything about me. I knew that what I had wasn't a typical family, but it wasn't like I could change anything... You just had to live with what you were given.

The topic shifted away from my family, but was still concentrated on me, questions being asked left-right-and-centre. And, of course, when you have Penelope involved in a conversation such as this, she gets the idea of setting up a blind date. So, the question of what my type was had been asked – which then lead to the girls trying to deduce it.

"Well, there was Lila and Austin – nothing similar about those two. Lila was blonde and an actress, Austin was brunette and a bartender." JJ hummed.

"Maybe only a type with the men?" Emily mused.

"Come on, Baby Genius, what do you look for in _Mr Right_." Penelope grinned, waggling her eyebrows.

"Figure out how I take me coffee and you'll know." I replied, suppressing a smirk – it was actually rather amusing.

Glaring slightly, the three women turned in on each other, all of them trying to figure it out. It was something that they all knew; they just didn't know they knew. The only thing they could remember was _lots_ of sugar.

_This is going to be interesting..._

* * *

After the incident at the bar, I had JJ, Penelope, Emily and – surprisingly – Derek all tried to see how I took my coffee, all of them trying to get more information.

I understood why the girls were doing it – I completely expected them to... The question was, why Derek? I had asked, trying to make a joke out of it to hide my uneasiness – he just grinned and said it was because he was my best friend.

Now, obviously, I knew the implications of the role a best friend had in someone's life – just because I had never actually had one before Derek, didn't mean I was completely oblivious to the fact – so I was completely aware that it was commonplace for one to confide _everything_ into this one particular person.

Of course, if _I_ did this...I would most likely lose the only best friend I had ever had. For good.

That was why I started bringing a thermos flask to work, being aware of who was around when I grabbed more coffee. Rossi and Hotch were the only ones to continue acting ' _normally_ ' since that night, ever the professionals, but reminding me that they were always there if I needed to talk – or get away from the persistent craziness that was the rest of our team. I didn't see why they felt the need to remind me now, but I was grateful none the less.

"Come on, Baby Genius! We just want to see you happy." Penelope pestered, following me into the bullpen from the elevator. "Telling me would make things so much easier!"

"I'm happy the way I am, Garcia."I sighed. "I don't need you to set me up with anyone."

"But –"

"I'm _fine_. One of the reasons I didn't tell you about this is _because_ I knew you'd try and set me up with people!"

I placed my bag on my desk, turning around to face the brightly coloured, bubbly techy, running a hand through my hair – back to the ' _boy band_ ' look.

"We only do it because we love you." she insisted, placing her hand on my arm.

"I know. And I appreciate it, honestly, I do – but it's not needed." I smiled.

"Can you at least tell me anyway?"

I couldn't help but laugh, slipping out of her grasp to start on the files on my desk – Derek and Emily were most likely going to add more to my pile when they thought I wasn't looking, so it was better to get a head start.

"You'll need to try harder than that." I smirked.

* * *

Penelope's methods did improve after that, trying to catch me off guard. JJ and Emily did the same – obviously Penelope got to them. It would admit that, even though it was annoying, I was enjoying their frustration a lot. Probably far more than I should.

Their ' _investigation_ ' into my ' _preferences_ ' took a bit of a back sit when we had cases, though the ones that seemed to come our way only took a few days to solve, so it wasn't that much peace from the constant questioning and pushing.

It was as we were getting back from a case from Phoenix, Arizona – kidnapping and murders of ten year old blondes – that things changed, though.

The case was over quickly, dealt with _far_ before the twenty four hour mark – thank God – so none of us were tired, though it was fairly early in the morning. That was why we all made a detour to a coffee shop near the BAU, deciding that a cup of coffee, someone else made for once, was in order.

The coffee shop was one that I went to everyday before work – the workers knew me, knew my order by heart...they were all very friendly.

As always, since this case had finished, Penelope was back to trying to get the answers she wanted, along with JJ, Emily and Derek – Hotch and Rossi just stayed out of the conversation, though I knew they would interfere if they could tell it was starting to get too much for me.

Now, everything was going fine. I was amused by their efforts, the fact that they thought they could find a bribe was hilarious. But then Talia came over.

Talia had been working at the coffee shop ever since I had started going there – the two of us had hit it off rather well. She was very much like Penelope – bubbly, happy, outgoing – but far more reserved than her. Of course, she knew nothing of the information I was withholding from my teammates, which was why things went downhill as soon as she spoke to me.

Talia had handed out the mugs to everyone, passing mine over in the thermos flask I had brought with me. I thought that would be it, but I was wrong.

"Sweet, strong and black – just how you like it!" Talia grinned, handing me the flask before going back to the counter.

Everything in our little group went deadly silent – I knew I had paled more than I usually was. So I did the first thing that came to mind.

I ran.

* * *

I had managed to get into the BAU, grab my files and drive back to my apartment – I had collected my car from the shop before we went on the case – before anyone had turned up – of course I sent a quick text to Hotch letting him know I would be finishing the files at home and to let me know if another case came up. At that moment in time, I just couldn't really face any of them.

Especially not Derek.

Sighing, I placed the files on the coffee table in front of the couch where I was sitting, turning on the TV I had recently bought – Derek had been coming round more often...guess that would stop now. The TV sprang to life, immediately showing a documentary – _Aftermath: The Legacy of Suicide_ – on the channel I had left it on last.

It was merely something I could listen to as I sipped at the hot coffee in my flask, trying hard to push aside everything that had happened in that coffee shop – sometimes I hated having an eidetic memory, sometimes I wished I was _normal_. I didn't want to be a _freak_.

I didn't do any of the files.

I didn't do much of anything.

I just sat on the couch, watching TV and slowly sipping my coffee.

As I sat there, trying to focus on what was being said, my phone vibrated – almost – non-stop, the majority of my team were calling and texting. None of them were Hotch, though, so I didn't bother picking up and answering.

I was surprised, however, that the one that was calling and texting the most was Derek.

To be honest, I never pegged Derek as being so cruel. I would have hoped he would have left it alone, tried to forget about it... I didn't think I would be wrong.

Sighing, I decided that it just might be a nice time to call my mom – I had been doing that recently, calling as well as sending letters. That moment in time seemed like a good time.


	2. Chapter 2

** Spencer **

It was three days later that Hotch go in contact with me – a case had popped up in New Orleans, three women (between the ages of seventeen and twenty five) had been kidnapped, tortured and stabbed. I had managed, once I was at the BAU, in the roundtable room, to limit how much I actually spoke – making sure to only talk about the case and nothing else. I kept as far away from Derek as possible, keeping my eyes on the case file in front of me.

In a matter of hours, we were in New Orleans, walking into the Police Department. The air conditioning was a blessing, the cool air hitting us as soon as we entered. Everything – barring a few details – was the same as the last time we were there. Of course, there was definitely one thing out of place.

"Ethan?" I frowned, seeing my friend being questioned by one of the officers. "What are you doing here?"

Slowly, Ethan turned to me, his eyes red, his expression pained... My mind came to one conclusion that I hoped was wrong, but as soon as Ethan opened his mouth to reply, I lost hope in that.

"He took Olive." he rasped, voice raw and crackly.

Olivia was Ethan's seventeen year old niece. During our last conversation, Ethan had mentioned that she was staying with him for a while – there was a bit of friction between her and her parents. I had met Olivia a few times; spoke with her when Ethan and I both had a moment to Skype and catch up. She was a nice girl, smart... Shy, sweet – the opposite of Ethan, which he had laughed at when I mentioned that to him. Ethan had cleaned up a lot over the years and having his niece with him for a while had been doing him a world of good.

Now I was worried he was going to crash.

Eyes widening slightly, I walked quickly over to where he sat, placing a hand on his shoulder and looking at the photos of the crime scene that was Ethan's apartment. It looked exactly the same as all the others.

"I promise you, I'll do everything I can to bring her back." I swore, putting a little more pressure on his shoulder. "But, right now, I need you to tell me what happened."

Whilst the rest of the team went to set up, I took Ethan into one of the other rooms, sat him down at a table and got him to tell me everything he remembered.

Olivia had met him at the bar he played at, after his show the night before – she would do that after she had finished her homework. Everything had been normal – they walked home, had dinner, watched a random movie and Ethan tried to get her to at least _talk_ to her parents. It was the usual thing they did. Then it started getting late. Olivia had gone to her bedroom, whilst Ethan had stayed out in the living room, watching some ' _crappy TV_ ' for a while, which led to him falling asleep on the couch. When he woke up early hours of that morning, his apartment was trashed and Olivia was missing.

"How didn't I hear him come in? Why didn't I hear him take her?" Ethan demanded, voice rough from trying to keep himself together. "I... I could have _helped_ her."

"It may not seem like it, but it was for the best that you didn't." I stated, slowly, trying not to get him angry. "He would have killed you and Olivia straight away... This way, she has a chance of surviving. She's strong, Ethan..."

"How long does he keep them for? Tell me, Spencer, don't lie."

"A week."

Ethan dissolved into tears then, the table the only thing keeping him from collapsing onto the floor. We had six days to have a _full_ profile and find this monster before Olivia's body turned up...

I was determined to do everything within my power to get her back alive.

* * *

With some convincing, I managed to get everyone to allow Ethan to stay at the station – I didn't want him falling off the wagon when he had been doing so well with his life. That meant I would have to stay at the station for the whole case, but you don't abandon a friend in need.

I kept a close eye on him as I worked, creating the geographical profile as well as looking over the pictures of the victims and the crime scenes, seeing if there was anything we had missed that could add to the profile we already had. Even though I shouldn't be, considering the circumstance, but I was glad that I got to stay at the station – it meant less socialization with the team.

But that didn't stop Penelope from trying.

It had been four and a half since we had arrived in New Orleans and we had our profile. Male, between the ages of twenty five and thirty five, narcissist, athletic, quiet yet confident. He was driving something large enough that he could easily hide his victims without them being seen – not an SUV, possibly a truck... – and, most likely, had a past history of abusing women – probably started with a younger sister around his victims ages.

With that last part of the profile, we thought Penelope may have enough to grab a few names for us and, thankfully, we were right.

" _I have three names; all have been arrested for repeatedly assaulting female family members."_ Penelope told me, the sounds of her typing echoing through the phone.

"Garcia, what kind of cars do they drive?" I asked, staring at our bored.

" _Daniel Jackson has a Jeep, Michael Cameron has a Chevy truck and James Tyler has a Toyota."_

Obviously the Toyota was out...

"Any of them have a sister between the ages of seventeen and twenty five?" I questioned, glancing over at Ethan.

" _Daniel Jackson_ had _a younger sister – Marissa. She... Oh, God. She was stabbed a few weeks ago after calling the police on her brother."_ Penelope breathed.

"Garcia, send me his address!"

" _Already on it, Boy Wonder... Look, Spencer, I–"_

"Got to go."

I had been doing that for the whole time, hanging up before Penelope could say _anything_ about the incident in the coffee shop. But at least right now I had a legitimate reason! Jackson had Olivia... I had to keep my promise.

Thankfully, Ethan was being watched by one of the officers in the department, so he never saw me leave. I just grabbed my gun and vest, sprinting towards one of the SUVs available to the team, driving towards Jackson's house – considering Olivia's time with him had been coming to a close, I dreaded to think of what state I would find her in.

* * *

Everything had gone so fast – getting there, going in without waiting for the rest of the team who I knew Penelope had called, finding and untying Olivia, getting shot at... The bullet had only grazed my arm, but it hurt like hell...

By the time the rest of the team had arrived, I had managed to knock Jackson out with the butt of my gun and Olivia had managed to tie him up. I had taken the poor girl outside, away from the hell she had been put through for the past five and a half days, sitting with her outside.

Olivia wouldn't leave my side as soon as everyone else turned up – the team, the medics, the department. She stayed as close to me as possible – a familiar face – asking when she could see her uncle. I let her know that he would meet us at the hospital, that we just needed to get her there and checked out first... Understandably, she just wanted to see him.

I guess it was a good thing that, one of the deputies showed up with Ethan in one of the cruisers.

The only time that Olivia willingly left my side was so she could run over to and hug her uncle, clinging onto him as tight as she could in her weakened state. Only then – when I knew she was with some both she and I trusted – did I let the medics look at me arm. And, only then, did Hotch come over to berate me for not waiting for backup.

Ultimately, even though Hotch was furious at my lack of thinking, he was glad that Olivia was safe and that I only had a _scrape_ on my arm. I listened to him rant, not interrupting once, as the medics bandaged my arm – even though I knew the gist of what he would say.

"Don't do that again, Reid." were his closing words.

"I promise." I nodded, both of us knowing that it was _bound_ to happen again sooner or later.

* * *

We all spent an extra day in New Orleans, the case finishing up a little late for it to be safe to fly the jet back to Virginia. But that was fine, I spent that day making sure Olivia and Ethan were alright.

Olivia was _definitely_ a strong girl, just like I had told Ethan – she would allow this to make her stronger, not pull her back. It was nice to meet her in person for a change, noticing that, even though she was shy, she had no qualms in speaking freely with me.

"So, are you and Agent Morgan together?" she asked, shifting slightly in her hospital bed – they had to keep her under observation for a few nights.

She had met the rest of the team briefly, their names sticking quicker with her than they ever did for me – names weren't my strongest point.

"What? No! Why?" I frowned, my gaze shifting between her and Ethan.

"Surely you've notice how he looks at you?" Olivia grinned. "He looks at you as if... As if you're the only one around. When he noticed you were hurt, he looked as if he was about to murder... _him_. When he realised you had come in to help me without anyone else, he looked proud yet worried. When he saw Uncle Ethan hug you, he looked about ready to storm over, grab you and state that you were his."

Sometimes I hated females.

They seemed to notice all these little things – especially the things that weren't there, like what she was saying about Derek, because obviously he didn't look at me like that...right? I didn't want to get my hopes up. Derek was straight, he in no way thought of me like that.

"Olive's right, man." Ethan nodded. "Saw it myself."

"You can both shut up now." I muttered.

I wasn't going to get my hopes up.

I _couldn't_ get my hopes up.

It would only hurt so much more if I did that.

The subject quickly changed to Olivia's school and how she was getting on, which then led to talking about her parents. After the few days she had, she was willing to talk to her parents – just talk, nothing else – but she wasn't willing to consider moving back with them.

Ethan was on the phone to his brother as soon as Olivia fell asleep and I had to leave.

* * *

After that case, I came back into the BAU, deciding that I should at least _try_ for some normalcy. It was the only way to move past this without making a big deal out of it all. Of course, the BAU women weren't going to make that easy on me.

Throughout the day on my first day back after the New Orleans case, I had Penelope, JJ and Emily come up to me separately in random intervals, trying to talk to me about the coffee shop incident. Every time, I deflected, shifting as far as I could _away_ from that topic.

They didn't seem to take the hint.

I found myself, more often than not, hiding out in either Hotch or Rossi's office just to get away from it all for a few moments, talking about Jack with Hotch or about cooking with Rossi. It was nice to have some normal conversation.

That happened throughout the week. But then, as soon as my ninth day back in the building came, things changed a little.

I was in the break room, grabbing some coffee as usual. None of the BAU women had found me yet, thank God, so I was enjoying the calm before the storm.

Then Derek walked in.

I had been careful not to be too close or left alone with him but, right now; there was no way out of it. I was hoping that he was going to ignore it, going to pretend like it never happened. I was hoping...

"How's your arm?" he asked, casually, handing me the sugar.

"It's fine." I nodded, staring at the coffee cup in front of me.

"You really worried me there, Spencer."

Only then did I look up at him. I suppose the surprise on my face was why he asked what was wrong, missing the obvious. So I explained:

"Y-You've never called me Spencer before..." I stuttered, quietly.

"Oh? Never noticed, I guess." Derek shrugged.

And with that, he left.

* * *

After that, things were...strange. Well, strange was the only way I could describe it, because I wasn't so sure as to what was going on.

I mean, there seemed to be more touching.

He used my first name far more than anything else.

It was weird...

It was worse if we – the team – went out to a bar between or after cases. I swear, Derek had gone from always being on the dance floor to being constantly by my side. That was when I started to wonder if he was just messing with me, since he knew. But would he really be that cruel?

So, a couple of days later, when we were all going to head to a bar after work and Derek was far too close and touching me on my shoulder or arm far more than he had been that past few days, I had to say something. I waited until the others had gotten into their cars before I said anything, not really wanting an audience for this.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, stepping away slightly as I turned to face him.

"Doing what, Spencer?" Derek replied, leaning against his car.

" _This_! Calling me by my given name instead of my last or some ridiculous nickname; touching me; standing too close."

"Spencer–"

"Stop it! You're straight, I know, you don't have to be so pitiless! I thought you would, at least, have the decency to forget what Talia said – I thought everyone would. But you are making it really hard to try and not think about it! I'll see you tomorrow."

With that, I left Derek standing by his car, sliding into my own and driving back to my apartment.

Tonight seemed like a good night to order in some Indian food and watch some Doctor Who.

* * *

The next day, I had to practically force myself into work – I couldn't remember a time I had wanted to stay in bed as much as I did that morning! I had made sure to grab a large coffee on my way to work, jumping straight into going through my files – if I looked busy, there was a chance they wouldn't bug me...

I hoped that was the case.

The team started to file into the bullpen when I was on the phone to Ethan and Olivia. I had started checking up on them at least once every week, making sure everything was alright, seeing how Olivia was handling things and how everything was going with her parents. I was, actually, surprised to hear that Olivia had started to sort things out with her mom and dad – good surprised – though she still wasn't considering moving back in with them.

"Well, I'm glad you're both ok." I smiled, twirling my pen between my fingers.

" _Thanks to you, man."_ Ethan replied. _"Now, I suppose we should let you get back to work, hey?"_

"I'll speak to you both soon."

" _Bye, Spencer."_ Olivia shouted into the phone.

"Bye."

As I ended the call and returned back to my files, I heard a set of footsteps coming closer to where I sat. The heels on the floor told me it was Penelope, so I wasn't too surprised when she was standing next to me.

"How are they?" she asked.

"As good as they can be." I nodded. "Olivia's adjusting well, but that was expected."

"Good, that's good. Cookie?"

I had to lean back as she shoved the tin in my face, slowly taking one of the light coloured baked goods. Penelope's cookies were something the whole team loved and wanted. She didn't make them all the time – only on holidays and birthdays or when someone was ill or unhappy – so I was a bit wary of why she made them now.

But, hey, why look a gift horse in the mouth.

I nodded my thanks to her, taking a bite of the cookie in my hand – just as amazing as ever.

"I don't know what it is, but I know you want something." I sighed.

Instead of verbally replying, Penelope took my hand, dragging me out of the bullpen and towards her office. I didn't even bother to resist – unfortunately, she, like most people, was a lot stronger than I was...

Both of us stayed silent until we had entered her ' _lair_ ', the door closing behind us. I was pushed into one of the chairs before anything was said though.

"Ok, I want no interruptions, Baby Genius – I love you, but you need to listen." Penelope told me, sitting down herself. "Clear?"

I just nodded again.

"Right. First of all, the idea of you and my Chocolate God of Thunder together – my, oh my, do I want that to happen. It's adorable and everything right with the world. I really wish you told me earlier though so I could help with getting you two together!" she grinned. "Second of all, I don't know what happened last night, but Derek was, like, major depressed. It took me _hours_ to get him to talk and, when he did, all he could say was that he messed up with you. Care to enlighten me as to what happened?"

So I did.

If Penelope already knew that much, I may as well tell her the rest – I didn't think I could deal with the constant questions and following all over again. So I told her what had been going on for the past few days and I told her what I had said to Derek the night before in the parking lot before heading home.

She seemed to understand very quickly after my explanation.

"Oh, Junior G – you may be a genius, but you can be so clueless." she smiled. " _Obviously_ Derek is trying to make a move!"

"Excuse me?!" I spluttered.

"Yeah! He's working himself up to asking you out."

Safe to say that wasn't expected.

* * *

I didn't know how, but it _must_ have been Penelope's doing – ' _it_ ' being me agreeing to going over to Derek's to hangout after work. Now, my car had decided to not start when we left the building – I swear it was Penelope's doing – meaning I had to ride with Derek.

If I was in my own car, by myself, I could at least panic in private!

But, no. I had to endure the ride to Derek's house with the man himself sitting in the driver's seat.

With the number of times I had been to Derek's house, it was only natural that Clooney had gotten used to me. Well, ' _gotten used to me_ ' was putting it mildly, he kind of loved me. I swear, he was the only dog in existence that actually seemed to like me from the first meeting!

I remember, when I first saw Clooney, thinking it funny how Derek had a German Sheppard – considered they are used as police dogs more often than not. Derek, it had seemed, had not made that connection until I pointed it out and had proceeded to say how he and Clooney must have been made for each other.

That had been a fun night.

Now, it had been a while since Clooney had last seen me – a month and three days – so I fully expected the attack I received when I followed Derek into his house. I had gotten so used to Clooney jumping up at me that I had found the perfect way to distribute my weight to ensure that I stayed standing – I didn't really want a fully grown German Sheppard landing on me.

"Hello to you too, Clooney." I laughed, running my hands through the dog's fur.

I only moved from the entrance when Derek said for me to go into the living room. Before all of this happened, it was something that I would have done as soon as I had walked into the house, now I felt like I had to go back to waiting until I knew it was ok.

Instead of sitting on the couch, I placed myself on the floor, letting Clooney lay on me – he wasn't allowed on the couch. Not many people would have thought it, but I really was fond of Clooney and I had missed him badly in my absence. Considering how he was laying across my lap, as if preventing me from leaving, it was safe to say that he had missed me too.

I sat there, in silence, stroking Clooney, until Derek walked in and sat on the couch. Clooney didn't move, which I didn't mind, but the silence had turned so uncomfortable that even he could sense it.

I didn't look at Derek as he handed me a cup of coffee – that didn't defuse the awkwardness of the situation, only heightened it.

I only nodded when he asked if Chinese food was ok for tonight.

I shrugged when he asked what I wanted to watch – he ended up switching the TV to a channel that was playing _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_.

We just sat there, the hushed speaking coming out of the TV speakers the only noise in Derek's house.

I hated the silence. That was why, in my apartment, I would always play music or turn the radio on or, now, switch on the TV. I had to have some noise...otherwise I thought of _unwanted_ things. Memories I'd rather stay buried came up again.

The silence was when I would miss the Dilaudid – when I had been taking it, my mind was quiet. For once, I didn't have to think about _everything_. Did you know how hard that was? Everything you ever read, saw or sometimes heard just swimming around in your head, constantly? It was like standing in a room filled wall to wall with people that were just screaming at you, screaming everything, and the noise just got louder and louder and louder. The only time it stopped was when I was asleep and those precious few moments before I was fully awake in the morning. The Dilaudid had helped make everything... _quiet_. And, whilst I would _never_ go back to that, I _needed_ something to make it go quiet again!

I was drawn back to the moment by Clooney's wet nose nudging my cheek, the dog now sitting next to my instead of lying across me. The giant puppy – that was, basically, what he was – whined slightly, slowly edging closer. I just threw my arms around his neck, burying my head in his soft fur – a fairly common occurrence, if I was being honest.

"They say dogs are great judges of character. Clooney is definitely the best at that." Derek said, quietly, the sound of squeaking leather indicating that he had slid from his seat on the couch onto the floor, on the other side of Clooney. "That first night you met him, after you left, I couldn't get him to stop crying. These last few weeks without you – he's missed you. So have I, Spencer."

I didn't look up from Clooney's fur, the dog himself laying his head on my shoulder and moving a little closer.

"No one ever realises, but I'm not as straight as you think I am. I go for whoever I'm attracted to, no matter the gender. I always assumed – I know I shouldn't – that _you_ were completely straight, Spencer, that's why I never said anything. And that night, when we first found out you were bi? I wanted throw, _physically throw_ , that guy out of the bar." Derek continued. "After that, I tried to talk to you. I tried everything I could to talk to you, but you kept ignoring me. Then the girls got in my way, cases came up... I hate that you think I'm messing with you, Spencer, because I'm not. I don't know if you'll believe me, but genius' with an IQ of one eighty seven that can read twenty thousand words a minute, _and_ has an eidetic memory? Well, they're _definitely_ my type – and I know that only _one_ exists."

Next thing I knew, Clooney had moved and I was kissing Derek.


	3. Chapter 3

**Spencer**

Things changed after that.

After that kiss, we had talked – we had talked _a lot_ – hammering out the dents in what we had both assumed – turned out both of us were clueless. We talked until late into the evening, so late that we both ended up falling asleep on the floor with Clooney not too far away.

It was Derek who brought up the idea of going on a date. He was also the one who brought up the idea of going on the second – the third was on my insistence. It was a gradual process, both of us trying to get used to the shift from friends to _this_... It was only after the eight date that we labelled it a relationship.

The team knew, pretty much, from the get go – we didn't try to actively hide it from any of them, but we did hide it from everyone else. Hotch had, of course, reminded us that it was, in fact, not actually allowed – Rossi, Derek and I had reminded him that Rossi was seeing Strauss and, if anything happened, he could defuse the situation before anything happened. Penelope gloated, JJ fussed, Emily teased... Should I have been worried that I expected nothing less?

It was strange, a good strange, trying to get used to it.

A month, two weeks and three days after our relationship had actually been classified as a relationship, I found myself at Derek's – it had been happening on a regular basis now, well, when we didn't have any cases. Clooney seemed to like it just as much as we did – never would have thought a dog would like me that much.

Derek and I had been sitting on the couch; Clooney was curled up in his bed asleep. For the last couple of weeks, every time I had gone to Derek's, the man in question had tried to further out relationship – ' _take the relationship to the next level_ ', as people said... That night hadn't been any different.

Of course, I would always out a stop to it as soon as it began, finding a way to leave not long after. This was the only time that Derek had asked what was wrong.

The question was inevitable – I was just hoping I had a little while longer to prepare what I was going to say. I had always been terrible with trying to explain it, and I was sure I couldn't give the same disconnected explanation to Derek as I had to the police.

So, taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and just...opened my mouth.

"When I was fifteen, this girl – well, she was eighteen, not really a girl... – tried to get me to have sex with her. I didn't want to, to be honest, but I went along with it anyway... She wasn't all too pleased that I couldn't – as she put it – ' _get it up_ '. She wasn't all too pleasant about it..." I babbled, the words coming out in a rush. "I managed to stay away from people until I was seventeen. When I was working on my PhD in Chemistry, I stayed behind one day to help clean up. One of the other students, he was twenty-two and acted like a TA most of the time, was there too and...we started talking. He ended up backing me into a corner... I never want to speculate what would have happened if our professor never ran in after hearing me yelling for help. I've never had an actual relationship and after that day in the classroom I never tried anything."

Derek didn't say anything, which I was actually rather grateful for; he just put his arm around me and dragged me closer to him, just hugging me. Not a lot of people knew, but the ones who did had gone over the top with their reactions – like they didn't know exactly what to say.

Somehow, Derek seemed to do the right thing.

* * *

Thankfully, my admittance didn't ' _put Derek off_ ', as it were. If anything, it made him adamant to make me more comfortable with anything and everything relationship wise – including opening up more. Derek, of course, started off – he told me about his family.

He told me about his dad. He told me about growing up. He told me about Carl Buford... Derek told me about university life and how he realised that, like me, he seemed to ' _swing both ways_ ', as he put it. He told me about joining the Chicago Police Department and everything he remembered with them. He told me about joining the FBI, joining the BAU. He told me _everything_.

So it was only fair that I did the same, right?

So I told him about my family. I told him about my dad leaving. I told him about trying to take care of my mom whilst I was a prepubescent. I told him more about the hell that was the educational part of my life. I told him about the troubles I faced at the academy and how, even there, I wasn't treated as well as others usually were by my peers. I told him _everything_. Even about the Dilaudid and the meetings that I went to – though he already had an idea about those.

"There is something I want to know that you haven't told me." Derek mused, dragging me closer into his side as we sat on his couch, watching some sports show on the TV. "You thought I'd react badly to you being bi – that was obvious... Will you tell me why?"

I debated lying – but I knew that I couldn't do that to him.

I debated asking him to just leave it alone – but, again, I couldn't do that.

I debated doing a lot of things but, in the end, it came to the fact that I was going to have to tell him. I mean, he was going to find out at some point, right?"

"Remember the case where I first told you about...the goal post incident?" I muttered, quietly, staring at a blank space on the floor.

"Yeah. You talked the kid down from shooting up the PD. What about it?" Derek asked, frown evident in his voice.

"Do you remember that I was late to the briefing?"

I felt Derek's nod, so the hum of affirmation he gave wasn't needed. The sensation of feeling the vibration of the sound through my back was strange yet pleasant... I never thought it could be before, but even I had to be wrong.

"When I came in and apologised for being late, Rossi had said ' _I hope she was worth it_ ' – to which you added ' _I hope it was a she_ '." I explained. "Naturally, that didn't give me the most confidence in the world when it came to telling you about my preferences... So I just didn't tell you."

Derek had then made – what I referred to as – his ' _I'm an idiot and I'm so sorry_ ' noise, dropping his head back over the back of the couch and clenching his eyes shut. Over the course of us telling each other _everything_ he had made that noise numerous times – even at work if he did something particularly ' _dick-ish_ ' – as Olivia would say.

Slowly, I reached across the couch and brushed the fingers of my right hand against Derek's hand, making his head turn towards me and open his eyes.

"I know you probably didn't mean it like that, so it's fine – it was ages ago." I shrugged, smiling slightly.

"I'm sorry." he sighed.

"Don't be."

"Too late."

My reply was cut off by Clooney dropping his head onto the couch cushion between Derek and me, staring at us with his big puppy eyes and whining slightly. Grinning at the dog I placed my left hand – keeping my right in Derek's hand – on the short, soft hair between his ears, rubbing his head gently.

Nothing more was said on the subject – nothing more needed to be.

* * *

Two months into our relationship was the first time I stayed the night at Derek's house.

We had come back from a case in Dallas – a seven year old had gone missing and it turned out his soccer coach had taken him – at three in the afternoon. Everyone was exhausted, everyone was starving, none of us wanted to work. We were all relieved when Hotch informed us that Strauss had gotten us the rest of the week off, all of our cases being handed over to another team – so, to celebrate, we all went out for lunch.

There was a diner not too far from the BAU that we had all been meaning to try, so it was only natural that we decided to go there. It had been there for a long time, but had renamed and renovated only three years ago – now called ' _Johnny's_ ', looking like it had come straight out of 'Grease'...even so; it was, supposedly, an _amazing_ place with great food. Looking around, we noticed how the women working there had to wear this 1950s style waitress dress – dark blue on the top, light blue for the skirt, a white waist apron and white trim around the collar and sleeves...plus, white socks and black and white converse shoes. It wasn't something you saw a lot anymore, but it worked for the overall theme of the diner.

It seemed like lunch out with everyone was just what we all needed. I mean, it had been a while since we all got to sit down and eat, without a case looming over us or knowing that we could be called in on a case at any moment. It was amazing...

It was after everyone had finished and we were saying goodbye – after it was agreed that, on Sunday, we would all meet at Rossi's for a little gathering before returning to work – we all went our separate ways.

Derek had been the one to take me to work on the day of the case, so he was driving me back to my apartment... Of course, once we got there, I wasn't expecting to be told that Derek very much wanted me to stay at his place during our time off.

"We'll be spending it together anyway, right? So why not cut out the journey?" Derek had asked, smiling. "It's completely up to you, Pretty Boy – I'd just thought it'd be nice."

And, come on, how was I supposed to argue with logic like that? It made more sense to stay, meaning we would spend more time together... Clooney would, undoubtedly, love it... Besides, there was also the fact that the idea was extremely appealing.

That's how I found myself at Derek's house, a bag packed for the next six days in his room, whilst we sat on the couch watching a movie and Clooney lying at our feet – not that we were really paying attention to the movie, more focused on just talking to each other. The usual routine of just sitting there and doing something as mundane as watching a movie was...calming. Natural. _Familiar_... I had never once toyed with the idea of this ever happening but, now that it was, everything just seemed so easy.

That was something I never expected. Going into it I thought it was going to be hard, confusing... And, whilst, yes, it was confusing at times – it wasn't like I had any experience to bring into this – it just felt so easy. I supposed it was because of the length of time we had known each other before the relationship started... Derek had described it as the ' _awkward get-to-know-you stage being over_ '.

"I was thinking of getting another dog." Derek mused, bringing me back into the conversation. "You know, so Clooney has some company when we're on cases. Maybe a small one this time..."

"You want a lap dog?" I chuckled, the image of big bad SSA Morgan being attacked by a small ball of fluff amusing me greatly. "Like a Chihuahua?"

"No, not a Chihuahua, just one that's smaller than Clooney."

At the mention of his name, Clooney lifted his head up, looking towards Derek and me, head cocked to the side.

"You'd have to come with me – the dog needs to like you just as much as Clooney does." Derek teased. "Can't have him yapping every time you come over."

Since being with Derek, I had gotten better at identifying when he was joking and when he truly meant what he said – it still eluded me at times, but I was getting there – so I didn't take what he had said personally. Instead, I just grinned, leaning against him as his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"What kind of dog?" I asked, closing my eyes – content in that moment.

* * *

Our time off was spent well – in my opinion. I mean, late nights, lie-ins, lounging about, taking Clooney out, running a few errands which ended in me going to six different book stores... I had never been one to just lie about and do nothing all day, but I had been loving it these few days we had off.

Of course I was sure that had something to do with Derek – and Clooney, couldn't forget Clooney.

We pretty much did whatever we wanted every day, but Sunday meant we had to give things a little bit of thought. Rossi was expecting us to be at his house for seven that evening, so we had to think of something that wouldn't take too long to keep us occupied. So, after taking Clooney for a walk, we just sat down and talked – nothing out of the ordinary.

"Do you really talk about me to your family?" I asked, belatedly realising that I had abruptly changed the subject.

It surprised Derek – it took him eight point five seconds to get his head around it, shaking his head slightly.

"How do you know that?" Derek sighed, not even attempting to deny the fact.

"They mentioned it when Emily and I met them – after they heard my name." I shrugged, smiling slightly.

I couldn't really tell if Derek was seriously annoyed at the fact that his mother and sisters had ' _told on him_ ', or whether he was just playing it up. Sometimes it was still hard to tell, no matter how long I had known him. It was the same with the whole team – there were times that I couldn't tell whether or not they meant what they said or were playing around.

It didn't take a genius to realise that this would be one of the reasons why people thought I could possibly be autistic. Honestly, the probability had entered my mind at times, but never bothered getting myself tested – my mom needed the care, not me. Besides, I had gone this long without knowing, so why would I want to find out now?

"Why do you talk about _me_?" I frowned.

"You're asking why I would tell my Momma about my best friend? Or why I would tell my sisters that I found someone smart enough to show them up? Or why I would tell my Momma that I'm having very non-platonic feelings about my very male friend, and co-worker?" Derek explained, raising an eyebrow. "I was hardly going to tell Penelope – that girl would have made so many innuendos – and I wouldn't have been able to talk to the rest of them. Ever since the case with Buford, I've told my sisters and my Momma everything – I'm only keeping secrets if I have no other choice... Besides, you're a _very_ interesting topic."

Derek finished off with a wink, grinning and taking a sip of the beer in his hand.

Was I? Was I an interesting topic? The only thing that I would constitute as interesting where I was involved were cases – I wasn't all that fascinating. Why did Derek think so?

Sighing quietly, shaking my head, I leant back against the couch cushions, cradling a cup of coffee close to my chest – Derek had seemed to have perfected it in the eight weeks we had been together. However, every time he made it, or I was drinking it around him, Derek would always smirk... Now he knew, he made a joke about it whenever he could, even if it was only a look.

It was hell when we were on cases, but more than welcomed when we were alone.

* * *

Derek and I got to Rossi's just after seven, the rest of the team already having gathered in the yard. As Derek and I followed Rossi to his large outdoor space, I noticed that Hotch had brought Beth and Jack, whilst JJ had brought Will and Henry; stepping through the back door, I had barely any time to get ready before I had a small blonde child launching himself at me.

But, hey, my reflexes were _far_ better than what they used to be.

"Uncle Spence!" Henry yelled, grinning, clinging to me as usual.

"Hey. Hey, Henry." I chuckled, shuffling him a bit so I could hold him without fear of dropping him.

Jack came over, far calmer than Henry, greeting me right before the two launched into asking me to do a few magic tricks for them. It happened any time I was around them... The only person who had wanted to see any tricks before was my mother...Jack and Henry seemed to be my biggest fans after her.

Not being able to say no when it came to "the Babies of the BAU" as Garcia called them, I walked over towards the fountain in Rossi's backyard – greeting everyone as I passed them –, sitting down on the edge with Henry and Jack standing in front of me.

Even though the two boys had seen the majority of my tricks already, they didn't mind repeat performances. Each time they would try to guess how the trick worked – it would then turn into a game of who could come up with the most bizarre idea – but they had yet to guess correctly. It was entertaining though, for both them and me.

The team had joked that, ever since Jack was born and I had met Clooney, ' _The Reid Effect_ ' was no more. I liked to think that was true, since no dogs or kids had reacted as they used to. It was a nice feeling – installed a bit more confidence in me, I suppose. I mean, I had always loved dogs and there had been a few times when I had wondered what it would be like to be a dad...so it was nice to know that I wouldn't be barked or cried at if I did end up having a life with a dog and/or kids.

"How about, next time, I show you guys some Physics-magic?" I grinned – I had been practicing a lot and I had gotten a bit more distance on them – showing them the last trick for the night.

"What's that?" Henry frowned, clutching the quarter I had ' _pulled from behind his ear_ '.

"I'll show you next time. Right now, I think Uncle Dave's put out some chocolate."

Just like that, the two raced off towards their parents, both of them being held back from practically _jumping_ into the chocolate fountain. Chuckling slightly, I stood up, brushing myself off as I did and just taking in the sight of the people I cared about the most – aside from my mom. Honestly, I didn't know what I would do without them.

Before, I was alone.

Before, I wasn't accepted.

Before, I didn't belong.

Without them, I would have overdosed on Dilaudid by now. I wouldn't have had the strength to stop, leaving my mom all alone. Without them, I probably would have given in years ago and ended my life, just like I wanted to, many times. Without them, my family would only consist of my mom.

It was hard for me to make friends, which was obvious. I didn't really know how to act with them, because I never grew up with friends – only my mom and my books. They all knew that – Beth and Will knew that – but they didn't mock me... They helped me. They put up with my weirdness.

I belonged.

"You ok, Pretty Boy?" Derek asked, his voice coming from my fight, his arm slipping around me.

"I'm great." I nodded.

That was the first time I had said that and meant it completely.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY!! I THOUGHT I HAD UPDATED THIS LAST YEAR WHEN I ACTUALLY FINISHED IT, BUT I COMPLETELY FORGOT DX

** Spencer **

The next few months were much like the first two – yes; there were a few arguments, but nothing that damaged the relationship in any way. I think that the fact we were best friends for years before we got together helped a lot – we weren't afraid to actually tell each other what we thought, at least not as much as we would have been if we hadn't been friends before. Our relationship actually enhanced our work on cases, the pair of us working harder so we could - a) get home for some alone time; b) keep each other out of harm, as well as everyone else.

We didn't have a case right now, so everyone was catching up on paperwork. Of course, I had come in early and managed to get all of mine finished and out of the way, leaving me with nothing to do. Honestly, I was _wanting_ Emily and Derek to put some of their files on my desk...apparently, today, they seemed to want to do everything themselves. So I just sat there, bored.

I sat in my chair, spinning around and around slowly so I didn't get dizzy. I didn't know what else to do but that. Of course, as soon as I stopped spinning and caught sight of the date on my computer, an idea sprang to mind. Digging around in my satchel, I grabbed a notebook and pen, starting to jot down things I would need - I only had a few days left.

Trying to keep it all a secret was harder than I imagined, all members of the team seeming to find something they wanted to ask me whilst I was planning and jotting ideas down.

Penelope seemed to have gotten bored herself and, when seeing I wasn't doing work, wanted to speak.

JJ had questions about details on a case we had two months back.

Emily decided to take her mind off of work for a moment and poke fun at me - as usual.

Rossi had joined Emily in her childish shenanigans - much to my amusement.

Hotch had come to tell me that I could go home if I wanted - which I didn't, especially since I wasn't _going_ home that night...

And Derek... Well, Derek just wanted to ' _get all couple-y_ ', as Emily put it.

These things had occurred numerous times throughout the day, especially once they all figure out I was hiding something. I know they were all still wary after the Dilaudid, even though I knew I was no longer on it... They all still feared, much like I did, that something like that might happen again. So, yes, me hiding something from all of them probably didn't help the situation, but I had to if I was to surprise them.

* * *

Derek had tried hard to try and convince me to tell him what it was I had been writing in my book - I had seen it coming and had left the notebook at my apartment. He had tried everything from bribes to tickling to very-none-threat-like-threats. It was all very entertaining.

But it wasn't like he had had to wait long.

It was only three days later - thankfully a Saturday and a day where we were all free - and I had managed to get the whole team - plus Will, Beth, Jack and Henry - over to my apartment. For a lot of them, it was the first time they had been to my apartment building, much less my _actual_ apartment. None of them were surprised by the stacks of books, but they were _all_ surprised by the amount of room and the size of my TV.

It wasn't until the last person had arrived that I let them in on what was going on.

"Today is the anniversary of Dave joining this team - of when this team came together." I explained. "I noticed the other day and, well... Now I think about it, it's kind of stupid, but you guys are family to me. I had only ever thought of my mom as family, I wasn't close enough with anyone else to categorize them as such - you all changed that for me. And, for that, I am truly grateful."

Now, the hugs I got from Penelope, JJ and Emily I expected, even the one from Derek. But getting a hug from Beth, Will, Rossi _and_ Hotch...that was a surprise. They assured me that it wasn't stupid; they had assured me, no matter how many times I said it to them, that I didn't have to thank them; they had all assured me, every single one of them, even Jack and Henry, that I was family to them...

And that was all I had ever wanted - a family.

Now, considering we had Jack and Henry with us, it was obvious that - after I showed them some Physics magic - games were going to have to be played.

Hide and Seek.

Tag.

Splitting the group in two and having a pillow war.

Game after game after game, until the two boys were too tired to go. Only then was the alcohol brought out. The women were happy, finally able to have something other than juice or water. Their enthusiasm at finally being able to have some wine was fairly humorous.

* * *

It was around eleven o'clock that everyone packed up and left, Derek being the only one to stay behind. For once, we were staying at my apartment instead of his house, something that I couldn't help but feel a little odd about. I had gotten so used to staying at Derek's over the past six months that staying in my own apartment seemed strange to me. The fact that Derek would be staying as well only made it weirder.

It was as we were sitting on my couch, when Derek started getting a bit too close, to the point where I would usually pull away, I moved closer. He frowned slightly, catching my eye and giving me a questioning look... I could almost feel my skin burning up. Thankfully, it was as if Derek knew why I wasn't pulling away.

Smiling slightly, Derek dragged me slightly through my apartment and to my room - a wise decision, I could tell. He pulled me close, kissing me lightly, placing something on my bedside table behind me - what I didn't know.

Slowly, clothes started to come off, first Derek's t-shirt, then my shirt. Then Derek's jeans, then my trousers. Whatever Derek took off, mine shortly followed. We only stopped once we were both down to our boxers.

Derek lowered his head to the meeting of my neck and shoulder, his lips brushing over the skin there lightly, barely even touching. So lightly that I barely felt it. But then he started to put more pressure on the spot, pressing harder after a short amount of time.

It wasn't long before the gentle swipes stopped on one spot, his mouth opening to suck on the area. It was moments like this that I was glad I had no neighbours, especially with the very loud sounds I was unwillingly making. But that only seemed to drive Derek on, since teeth were soon brought in to play...and tongue...

I could do nothing but hold on to the back of his neck tighter, pulling him closer and lean my head back against the wall, as I ended up curving slightly into him, arching off of it.

I couldn't help the whine after the spot on my neck became too sensitive to bear. Derek, noticing this, just dragged his tongue up my neck, slowly – it really shouldn't have been as much of a turn on as it was – biting the lobe of my ear as he came to it, before gently running the tip of it over the shell.

I would never admit that any of this had me shivering all the time, the pleasure rolling down my spine in waves... But it wasn't like I could hide it from Derek, who was grinning wolfishly against my jaw.

Nosing his way down my neck, Derek stopped just above the first mark he made.

Yeah, I was _extremely_ glad no one else was around!

Derek shuffled closer, pressing me further into the wall as his hands tightened – _ok, when did they get to my ass?!_ So, really, it wasn't my fault that my hips kind of snapped forward, causing a low growl to come from the man holding me up.

I couldn't help but smirking.

And, come on, who I was I to pass up on an opportunity to abuse this position? So, while Derek was so fixated on my neck, I thought I'd have a bit of fun myself – it was only fair – by continuously rolling my hips into his.

The whimpers the Big Bad FBI Agent made was _gold_!

Everything around me was melting away, forgetting everything but this. Forgetting everything, but Derek.

I could feel the bulge in his boxers even more as we were pressed impossibly closer, the small amount of breath that I had left leaving me at that moment. I only just noted the noise – sounding like a pathetic broken whimper – which only served to make Derek grin and double his efforts.

That ended up being moving to a different spot on my neck, worrying the skin between his teeth softly, running his tongue over it too, while pressing closer still and slowly rocking back and forth. My breath caught in my throat, now no longer being able to actually think of a coherent thought, other that random syllables or one word sentences.

* * *

**Derek**

Looking at Spencer now: mostly naked, panting, lips red, face flushed a most appealing shade of red, hair a mess... At this moment, I was glad that I was always... _prepared_ and able to reach Spencer's table to set everything down.

But I wasn't even thinking of that right now.

No.

I could think of one word and one word only. One word that I couldn't help but let slip out.

" _Mine."_

I thought I had said it quiet enough that Spencer wouldn't have picked up on it, but the cheeky, goofy grin was back as he whispered back ' _Yours_ ' into my ear. The word quiet and his breath warm as it drifted over my ear.

At that moment, you couldn't blame me for ripping him away from the wall and just chucking him into the middle of his, very spacious, bed.

* * *

**Spencer**

I landed in the middle of my bed with an ' _oof_ ', only just being able to collect myself before Derek was hovering over me, hands either side of my head. His dark chocolate brown eyes almost complete consumed by dilated pupils, face flushed... This is not something that everyone got to see, to be quite honest I'm not sure myself how many have, and quite frankly I didn't care. All I could care about was the fact that, right now, I was the one seeing it.

I was the _only_ one who got to see it.

With a slightly feral sound, Derek lunged forward, pressing his lips roughly against mine again and again, pushing and pulling, biting and sucking and licking. It was a shock of a contrast to the softness of his skin, despite how many Unsubs we had faced over the years.

Not that I minded, it would be stupid if I was complaining...then I really _would_ be an idiot.

For the second time, Derek started thrusting, back and forth, but this time able to grind his hips down, softly at first but getting a lot more forceful every time.

I couldn't help the movements my own hips made, rolling them up just to ease the pressure.

That was when I practically felt my boxers ripped from me, looking up in time to see Derek throw two pieces of material over the side of his bed.

 _And now we're naked! Thank_ fuck _for that!_

I heard this sort of growl, before Derek continued what he was doing before all clothes had disappeared. But the feel of his muscles and bare skin against me was enough to make me forget any embarrassment and make any blood flooding my face rush downwards.

That just so happened to be the same direction Derek had started heading, as he slowly lowered himself down my body, pressing his lips and tongue to wherever he could reach, flicking his tongue over my nipples, running his tongue down my chest, sucking bruises into my torso, biting both of my hips.

He only stopped once he reached a certain area.

* * *

**Derek**

Chuckling quietly, as I took note of Spencer's wide eyed and lustful expression, I bent my head further forwards, licking the tip of his swollen dick. The moan that I received from it just encouraged me to carry on, taking the whole thing into my mouth in one go. The startled choke made me chuckle again, the vibrations causing him to moan again.

_This was going to be better than I thought._

Not wasting any more time, I bobbed my head up and down slowly, my hands pushing Spencer's hips down in the mattress. Not that that stopped him from trying to get out of my grip, to try and get some more speed to reach that much needed release.

A quiet whine made me glance up; catching a glimpse of the pleading look in his eyes and feeling the way fingers had tightened on the back of my neck yet again. I almost pulled off, just so I could hear another one of those little sounds, but even I couldn't be so cruel.

So, keeping the same technique, I quickened the pace, humming when Spencer hit the back of my throat. It was only moments later that he was crying out his release, back arching and eyes clenching shut.

As he started coming down from the high, I swallowed what was left in my mouth and moved higher, returning my lips and teeth to his neck. Only when I felt Spencer shift underneath me, as I licked over an already forming bruise from earlier, did I then remember my own situation.

Pulling back to look at him in the eyes, I conveyed a question to Spencer that I desperately needed the answer to: _was he sure?_ After what he told me those few months ago about the girl when he was fifteen and that douche when he was seventeen...I didn't want to be like them. I didn't want him to feel like he was being forced. I wanted Spencer to _want_ this.

A small smile and a slight nod was all I needed, seeing nothing but trust and truth in the eyes that had been overtaken by black pools.

Gently, this time, I kissed Spencer. Never would I ever get tired of doing such a thing.

While he was distracted, I reached out blindly for the tube that I had sat on the table beside me, blindly flicking the lid of the tube up and gathering some of the liquid onto my fingers and hand.

Before I could even think about what I was doing, I already had two fingers buried deep into the man below me, watching as he arched off of the bed with a pain filled scream, head thrown back. It was a stupid thing to do, but seeing Spencer like this, hearing him... Everything else seemed to had just left my head.

Biting at his neck again, I tried to distract him from the pain as I moved both fingers in and out, stretching him.

Quickly adding a third, I heard a shaky yelp. For a moment, I thought I did something wrong, taking things a bit too fast. Until I realised what I had hit within him.

Smirking, and keeping my fingers angled the same way, I tested the waters by prodding the same area again. The small broken sound leaving him again only proved that I was correct, I had found that ' _magical little spot_ ', as Penelope kept referring to it as – jokingly, of course... At least I wasn't hurting him anymore...

And who was I to turn down such an opportunity? So, yes, I _may_ have abused this just a little, not letting up until Spencer had almost reached his high for the second time, but backing off before he could hit it.

Pulling my fingers out of him, slipping on a condom and adding extra lube, I waited for a few seconds to watch Spencer squirm before starting to thrust in, going slow as Spencer adjusted.

It took two minutes before I was full inside him, running my hands up and down Spencer's sides, brushing his neck lightly with my lips, as I went.

As the pain started to give way it wasn't long before Spencer started to move against me impatiently, gingerly thrusting down to get me to start moving. The friction of the tight walls pulled a semi-embarrassing noise from me, one that I would _adamantly_ refuse if brought up later.

But that didn't stop me from keeping a hold of Spencer hips as I started to pull out slowly and thrust back in with the same speed and strength.

I would never have thought that I would be doing _this_ with the genius... I never thought he would return the feelings I had for him.

I thought for sure nothing could happen.

I couldn't help but be happy that I was so very, _very_ wrong about that. Otherwise we wouldn't be here now. I wouldn't have had the opportunity to pin him down and thrust into his tight ass over and over and over.

Spencer had kept his fingers locked behind my neck the whole of this encounter.

Until now.

He unlaced his hands, slowly dragging them down over the top of my back, across my shoulders...until he got a good grip on my biceps to flip us so he was still impaled on my cock while _I_ was underneath _him_.

I couldn't help but stare, surprised at the sudden boldness. Even more surprised when his nimble hands slid to the muscles on my chest, tracing them before finding a good enough grip before lifting himself up, only to drop back down forcefully.

I couldn't help but think of how beautiful he looked like this, even as my mind turned to mush due to what I was seeing and feeling.

My grip on his hips never faltered, only giving me the chance to aid in lifting Spencer up before slamming him back down, thrusting up every other time.

Sighs, moans and pants came from the body above me, his head falling back slightly, his neck bared. The closer Spencer got, the louder the sounds were, and the move his back curved and exposed his throat.

So, with a small growl, I launched forward until I was sitting up – Spencer still on my lap – and could attach my mouth to the pale neck in front of me, licking and biting the side, trailing down onto the top of his chest, flicking my tongue over his nipples.

Spencer's right hand slipped to the back of my head, pressing me forward instead of pulling me back a little like he used to, while his left held on to my arm.

Slowly, I let my left hand trail from his hip up his spine, making him shudder all over, causing his grip to tighten as I smirked into his neck, nipping it lightly.

Our rhythm broke once Spencer's breath came out in ragged pants and his muscles started to strain. At that point, I flipped us again so he was back on the bottom.

Tightening my grip on his hips, I quickened the pace, short thrusts only, changing angles until I hit his prostate dead on.

Aiming for there and there alone, I continued to pump into _my_ Spencer, bringing him closer and closer to the edge, until whiskey brown eyes opened wide, his back arched and his other hand found its way into my hair again as he let out a loud moan.

With Spencer reaching his high for the second time, he tightened almost painfully around me, giving me that extra kick I needed. With a howl, I launched myself to my left, biting down _hard_ where his neck met shoulder.

Both of us seemed to just pass out once it was all said and done, but not before I had the chance to pull out and drop to the left of Spencer, grabbing a few tissues from the table beside me to get rid of the sticky mess and throwing them - along with the condom - into the trash can by Spencer's bed, before I turned us both on to our left sides so I could drape my arm across him and bring him back until he was pressed tightly against my chest, while Spencer dragged the duvet over us.

* * *

**Spencer**

The next morning, whilst a sore one, was a great one. Just a lazy day in bed, thanks to some strings that Hotch managed to pull.

I was happy - not only did I have people close enough to me to be able to consider them my family, but I also had Derek. Someone I thought I would ever have in my life as I had him at that moment. I was happy.

I didn't know at that moment that Derek and I would be visiting my mom and his family in a few weeks time to ' _officially_ ' introduce the other to them.

I didn't know at that moment that Derek would propose to me in three years.

I didn't know at that moment that, three years after our wedding, Derek and I would adopt four children - a little girl named Tauriel, a little boy named Oliver, another girl named Jessica and another little boy named Bayley.

I didn't know at that moment that any of that would happen.

I didn't know at that moment that I was going to be the happiest I had ever been in my life.

I didn't know at that moment that I was finally home - finally belonging.

I just knew that I was happy and it was all because of the way I liked my coffee.

_"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ―_ _**Lao Tzu** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY!! I THOUGHT I HAD UPDATED THIS LAST YEAR WHEN I ACTUALLY FINISHED IT, BUT I COMPLETELY FORGOT DX

**Author's Note:**

> Please review XD  
> Thanks XD


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